The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
