All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
