He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
