Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
