Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
