I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
