i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
