evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
