Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
