Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
