Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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