I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
