The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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