I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Your dad touched me again.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
