true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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