Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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