I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
