eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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