dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
