are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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