I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Man, jail baloney is awful.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
