eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
