You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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