don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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