she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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