u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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