just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
