1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
