how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
