Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
