Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I've blown a few things in my day
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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