I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
