Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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