So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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