Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Someone shattered a urinal.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
