i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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