I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
