you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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