my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
