she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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