found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
