remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
