do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
