WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
