All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize