maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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