the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
