So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize