I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
