we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
