anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize