I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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