i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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