I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
