I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
