he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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