I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
