i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
