Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
