Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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