my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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