I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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