They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
