I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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