I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
