could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
