He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
