He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
