What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
