i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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