So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize