idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
