I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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