good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
