It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
