Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
