mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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