I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
