she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
